


The Greater Good

by Elithay (Adi_Black)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-10 09:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adi_Black/pseuds/Elithay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavi strikes up a conversation. "What good are you?" To say the least, he was surprised about the answers he got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greater Good

**Author's Note:**

> If there was one thing Allen was good for, it was sex.
> 
> Ask anyone, they would tell you.
> 
> Dirty mouths, majorly implied KandaxAllen, humor and retarded inside jokes, inspired by late-night conversations with my friend Chibi.

Kanda disliked Allen.

Allen disliked Kanda.

It was common knowledge that Allen and Kanda absolutely did _not_ get along. It had been apparent since the moment they saw each other, and Kanda almost killed the other boy, that it was a partnership destined to fail.

Being forced on a mission had ended up with one in emotional distress (and a new power for his arm), and the other hating his comrade more than ever. Since then though cooperation with everyone in the Order was mandatory, higher-ups had separated the two from working together for more progress to be made.

After the Ark incident it seemed like they tried to get along for a bit, but no, their personalities were too different and it just almost started another war. Still, after that there was silence from them on both sides. An odd silence. A silence that appeared one day, and then all interactions were muted.

The fights were less electric, and the words while still blazing with hatred, weren't said with as much force. Physical scuffles occurred less often too. While this was seen as 'progress' by many, some still had to wonder, how did it happen?

xXx

One evening after yet another subdued fight between Allen and Kanda some of the exorcists were lounging around in a room. With nothing else to do Lavi decided to start up a random conversation.

"Hey, what good are you?" he said to no one in particular, causing everyone to look at him oddly. "I mean, I'm good for retaining information, and fighting, and other things. What about you guys?"

Lenalee sighed, "What brought this on?" and when he shrugged she sighed again and decided to humor him. "Well, I'd say I'm good for fighting too, and resolving fights. I think I can bring a calmness if needed. I try to be helpful." She shrugged and looked around the room and saw Allen and Lavi nodding.

"We all know Kanda's good for nothing." Allen muttered, some of his hostility rising from being in the same room as the other teen for more than five minutes.

Kanda scoffed and said, "Well bean sprout, if there's anything for you to be good for the _only_ thing you would be good for is the sex."

Silence.

Dead silence.

"Lavi, I think I can hear the mouth under your eye patch." Lenalee whispered, and he looked at her oddly.

"What are you talking about?" he asked and she just shook her head and shushed him muttering something about a bet.

Trying to gather his wit Allen said, "At least there's something I'm good for, and good _at_. You can't say that, can you Kanda."

His eyes narrowed and he said, "Did you really just say that?"

"And what if I did?"

Lenalee and Lavi watched in detached humor and slight horror as Kanda dove through the air and tackled Allen off the couch. They struggled for a few moments before Kanda locked one of Allens arms behind his back, pinning him to the ground.

"What is your problem?" Allen yelled, trying to wiggle, buck, squirm, something to get him to move.

"You! You are my problem! Your curse is my problem!" Kanda ranted much to the surprise of the surprised audience.

"Why the fuck am I your problem?"

"Because I hate you." Kanda said defiantly and Allen stopped struggling for a moment at the stupidity of the conversation. If you could call it that.

"There is something wrong in your _head_ ," Allen stated, "If you hate me why do you fuck me?"

He blatantly ignored the startled gasps.

Kanda looked at him incredulously, "Like a teenager would turn down an opportunity for sex."

"Bitch, I know you did not just say that." Allen said and Lenalee had to put her hand in front of her mouth to keep from bursting out laughing. The 'fight' was turning more into a comedy routine than anything else. A slightly demented comedy routine, but one none the less.

"Yes I did." Kanda said, apparently too far gone in whatever drink or drug he had ingested to make him act that way and said, "I'll show you when I can get your ass to my room."

"What, no!" Allen said. Sure he liked the sex, but...but what. He was just being difficult.

"You'll take it! You take it and you like it!" Kanda said, apparently not done with his rant yet.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I don't like it _better_ from someone else!"

At this Lenalee could no longer hold back her giggles and collapsed in a pile of laughter, shaking. Lavi looked down at her and over at the two boys still locked in a take-down position and he couldn't hold back his laughter either. He controlled it better than Lenalee and showed this by not collapsing, but he was releasing body-shaking laughs anyway. Lenalee had dissolved into tears and was hiccuping trying to control her hysteria when Kanda got up, disgusted at the display before him.

"Come on runt, let's go."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Allen growled, but got up anyway following him to the door.

Lavi and Lenalee barely registered the other two leaving the room and missed the last parts of their conversation before they got out of ear shot.

"You really are good for nothing but sex."

"Blow me."

"Later."

xXx

End


End file.
